Beginning again...
127 days since I walked out for the last time. Driving away with my 1-year-old, a new determination burning in my soul, not even looking in the rear view mirror this time, as I rotated Halsey "You Should Be Sad" and Dua Lipa "IDGAF". Eight hours later, my feet hit the pavement of my childhood hometown. That moment began the road to rebranding my life.
Divorce -- Man! I'm another statistic. I thought I had done everything right, yet here I am: starting over.
Single Parenting -- This concept is not completely new to me. Without saying too much, it's actually been easier with just the two of us. However, being the only person to make doctor appointments, daycare trips, extra-curricular activities, holidays, play dates, and still trying to be an independent, ambitious, young, social, single woman poses its fair share of challenges.
Establishing Income -- I hit the ground running, trying to pick up where I left off on my corporate role. All I have to do is update my resume, link up with some recruiters, scan some job boards, let my networks know I'm looking and that'll be it. Rose-colored glasses at their best. It's a new ball game! Everyone wants to see your LinkedIn profile and your established business network. Okay got that done: CHECK. For every applied job, it's like playing a game on the claw machine at the fair: I never know what is going to be coming out. Some require a one-way video interview, some an online assessment or two, and some even have rings of fire you have to jump through. Kidding on that last part, but sometimes that's how it feels. Throw in the wrench of having a sick baby getting used to daycare, got me to thinking.....
Entrepreneurship -- I need more flexibility to be able to be super-mom. I want to be as financially successful as I was before getting hitched and becoming a mother. My divorce has drained my capital which means I need a gig that I can do with relatively low operating costs, flexible hours, an unlimited pool of customers and exponential growth potential. My solution: stay tuned.
Dating -- This is going to be so shocking for 50% of y'all who are "the cynical ones". I actually loved my ex-husband. Well, at least I did before learning that who I was in love with didn't exist. It took a few trips driving away, looking in the rear-view mirror, then desperately driving back trying to fix the unfixable to realize my life brand was failing. First thought: I married for love the first time, next time I'm marrying for money! The thought of dating is overwhelming. How can I let myself be so vulnerable again?
And yet, the hopeful romantic in me just won't allow that to happen. I've gotten my toes wet in the dating world and it is..... changed! My goodness! Y'all, I'm not throwing myself onto a dating app for some egocentric, shallow, "he-man woman-hater" to size me up in seconds. No, thank you. If that means I'm single for life, I'll take it!
Without that element of added drama, I've still had some pretty comical interactions with men. Whether it's a blast from the past or a mutual friend finding me on Facebook, I can assure you I have some stories to deliver past and future. I don't disappoint when it comes to living a comedy.
Health/Wellness -- I'm not ashamed to say I hit my lowest emotional point this year. While many were terrified of COVID creeping into their lives, I was sprawled out on the floor in heartbreak-agony thinking it was time I take myself to the mental institute. I had no idea I was vulnerable to a hurt that could bring me to my rock bottom. At the time I left him, I knew the only place for me to be was with my trusted support system. There's nothing more healing than being surrounded by an army of people who are ready to love you and cheer for you even on the darkest days. I didn't stop there, though. Here are a few things that have been essential in my recovery:
Divorce -- Man! I'm another statistic. I thought I had done everything right, yet here I am: starting over.
Single Parenting -- This concept is not completely new to me. Without saying too much, it's actually been easier with just the two of us. However, being the only person to make doctor appointments, daycare trips, extra-curricular activities, holidays, play dates, and still trying to be an independent, ambitious, young, social, single woman poses its fair share of challenges.
Establishing Income -- I hit the ground running, trying to pick up where I left off on my corporate role. All I have to do is update my resume, link up with some recruiters, scan some job boards, let my networks know I'm looking and that'll be it. Rose-colored glasses at their best. It's a new ball game! Everyone wants to see your LinkedIn profile and your established business network. Okay got that done: CHECK. For every applied job, it's like playing a game on the claw machine at the fair: I never know what is going to be coming out. Some require a one-way video interview, some an online assessment or two, and some even have rings of fire you have to jump through. Kidding on that last part, but sometimes that's how it feels. Throw in the wrench of having a sick baby getting used to daycare, got me to thinking.....
Entrepreneurship -- I need more flexibility to be able to be super-mom. I want to be as financially successful as I was before getting hitched and becoming a mother. My divorce has drained my capital which means I need a gig that I can do with relatively low operating costs, flexible hours, an unlimited pool of customers and exponential growth potential. My solution: stay tuned.
Dating -- This is going to be so shocking for 50% of y'all who are "the cynical ones". I actually loved my ex-husband. Well, at least I did before learning that who I was in love with didn't exist. It took a few trips driving away, looking in the rear-view mirror, then desperately driving back trying to fix the unfixable to realize my life brand was failing. First thought: I married for love the first time, next time I'm marrying for money! The thought of dating is overwhelming. How can I let myself be so vulnerable again?
And yet, the hopeful romantic in me just won't allow that to happen. I've gotten my toes wet in the dating world and it is..... changed! My goodness! Y'all, I'm not throwing myself onto a dating app for some egocentric, shallow, "he-man woman-hater" to size me up in seconds. No, thank you. If that means I'm single for life, I'll take it!
Without that element of added drama, I've still had some pretty comical interactions with men. Whether it's a blast from the past or a mutual friend finding me on Facebook, I can assure you I have some stories to deliver past and future. I don't disappoint when it comes to living a comedy.
Health/Wellness -- I'm not ashamed to say I hit my lowest emotional point this year. While many were terrified of COVID creeping into their lives, I was sprawled out on the floor in heartbreak-agony thinking it was time I take myself to the mental institute. I had no idea I was vulnerable to a hurt that could bring me to my rock bottom. At the time I left him, I knew the only place for me to be was with my trusted support system. There's nothing more healing than being surrounded by an army of people who are ready to love you and cheer for you even on the darkest days. I didn't stop there, though. Here are a few things that have been essential in my recovery:
- working out (Running and kickboxing have been my go-to. Chasing a 16-month-old keeps me pretty active, as well.)
- self-care (NEVER underestimate the power of a good makeover!)
- hair salon
- nail salon
- wax center
- lash salon
- new wardrobe
- tanning salon
- dentist
- new jewelry (replacing the wedding ring and milestone gifts he gave me)
- antidepressants (Which not only leveled out my initial emotions, but also helped me stop the awful habit of smoking I picked back up on day 2 of leaving. I only stayed on them for a few months, but it definitely helped me get over the hump.)
And so, as I move forward, I'll document the funny, fun, inspirational, unbelievable steps that transpire as I continue to forge a rebrand of my life: something bigger and better than has been.
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