But First, Jesus

Contemplating how to condense the many aspects of my life into a short, entertaining, hopefully endearing read has left me with somewhat of a writer's block.  Then, a very amazing woman in my life started her blog "But First, Jesus" (highly recommend!).  It broke the block.

As with everyone, life doesn't always happen according to our playbook.  I tend to find my identity and self-worth through my career.  I take my job and reputation to heart and, as much as I hate that, it's helped me find success as being the "go-to" at work and valued by supervisors: the reward.  So, I've struggled in parallel of getting back into the workforce and internally with the view I have of myself.  

A short recap of how I ended up in that headspace:

• 2018. Downhole Technology. Working for the founding owner of the company. Juggling two high level positions.  Job security was a no brainer.  All at once, a hostile takeover left my boss in a legal battle and me with no job.  I got married, focused on kids and supporting T-Ex's aspirations with minimal focus on my own.  I was forbidden to join the workforce with the exception of helping my family's company on an as needed basis.

 

• 2021 Dissolving the marriage left me homeless, vehicle-less, and incomeless (of course that would change once legal documents kicked in).  I got my state license to sell insurance.  Unfortunately, my weak ability in sales coupled with the morally corrupt work environment left me searching for something different.

At the beginning of the year, my career in Insurance died and I enrolled back in college to knock out some steppingstones towards my entrepreneurial dreams.  As that's going to be in progress in the background for years to come, I needed work.  Since I didn't have a clear vision on what that was the paralleled identity was manic and the view I had of myself was critical.

I was (mostly) silently struggling when a very unexpected person from my past reached out to send me a Christian book.  At the same time, some family members I don't get to see often reached out to get me involved in their weekly Bible studies.  Im always working towards getting my faith as a first priority and feeling more passionate about it, but as a sinner, my shame made me feel I've missed the boat.  Then my blogging friend started randomly including me into her daily devotional emails.  As I began to see how many ways God was trying to reach me (there were many more instances in addition to the ones I've highlighted), I started believing and focusing on the truths instead of lies.  

I, again, threw my hands up, turned over all control of my life, and put my trust in prayer.  Just like He always does, God delivered.  He began to repaint how I view life and myself.  I found a church that welcomed me, a work team that believes in me, a home of my own, and peace in the healing that's still happening.  Not every part of my life is roses, but I can see the TRUTH: as I patiently wait for His timing and His plan to materialize, something bigger and better is being prepared and so am I.  I don't know all the answers for the future but I certainly know as I remain in relationship with Christ, I'll be guided towards a future that's completely and utterly fulfilling.  

Stay tuned for upcoming posts:

1. What products I'm loving (great Mother's Day ideas!)
2. How to spend less than $500 on furniture to fill the home and make it look incredible
3. Why it's important to be your own "100" instead of looking for someone to fill the "other half": with funny stories from my own interactions